We Should Have Joined the Brotherhood
by Wolf24
Summary: what happens when all the women at the mansion have PMS? Dear God help us
1. Default Chapter

"Shit!" the cry came from Jean's room. Kitty poked her head out of the door. 

"Are you like okay Jean?" she asked.

"I'm fine." The redhead said stomping towards the bathroom. She pounded on the bathroom door. 

"Vhat?" Kurt asked from the inside. "Just a minute." He said gargling.  Jean slammed her fist into the door again. 

"Kurt I swear to god if you don't get out of that bathroom right now I will rip off your tail and hang you with it!" By now several others were coming out of their rooms to see what was wrong with Jean. Scott and Evan were at a loss. Kitty and Rogue stood together. Jean pounded the door in and a surprised Kurt teleported into Rogue's arms. 

"Vhat is up vith her?"  Rogue shrugged. Kitty quickly phased herself and Rogue through the door as a towel exploded out of the bathroom with a strong telekinesis push. Safe on the other side of the door Kitty looked up at Rogue. 

"Um, do you think that its like that time of the month for Jean?" she asked. 

"Ah don't know." Rogue said. "Ah know that it is for Jubilee and Amara." Kitty nodded. 

"Me too." She said. 

"Great, ya mean that Rahne and Ah are the only ones that haven't started yet?"  Kitty nodded. "And Storm." She said. Rogue threw up her hands. 

"Is gonna be a hell of a week." She said. 

"Yeah, like if any of us survive." 

Rahne sat in history class minding taking notes when she knew that if she didn't go to the bathroom it could be a potentially embarrassing situation. Sitting in the back by the door made it easy for her to slip out. She ran down the hall to the bathroom. She burst through the door to find Rogue brushing her hair. 

"It got you too?" she asked. Rahne nodded. 

The ride home was unbearable for Scott. Jean looked furious for no apparent reason. And after that morning's escapades he didn't want to make things worse. He glanced at her and quickly looked back at the road. 

"Scott?" she asked suddenly. 

"Yeah?" he said looking quizzically at her. 

"Am I pretty?" she asked. 

"Huh, Jean what kind of question is that?" he asked. 

"Am I pretty, just answer." She said exasperated. 

"Um, yeah." He said, turning the wheel. She looked like she was about to cry.

"_Um yeah_?" she said. "I don't think your telling the truth." She folded her arms and pouted. Scott sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

"Jean, you're beautiful okay, the question just caught me off guard."

"Really?" She said. 

"Yeah." Jean threw her arms around him, causing him to swerve. He was about to tell her to stop but she ran a hand over his thigh and he shut his mouth. 

When the two walked into the mansion they were met with screams of anger. Jubilee and Amara were on opposite sides of the room. Jubilee's stream of fireworks just missed Amara's head. On the other hand Amara's balls of heat were scorching the furniture. 

"Stop!" Scott yelled. The two girls paid no heed and Scott had no chance to stop them because Jean was dragging him up the stairs to her room. Soon the powers stopped and the two younger girls were locked in hand to hand combat. There were screams and hair pulling and multiple bitch slaps. Jamie and Ray were coming down the stairs only to duck when a vase came flying over in their direction. They both ran back up stairs clawing to get a way form the raging beasts below. Kurt was about to teleport down the stairs but Ray jumped him. 

"Ow!" He cried. "Vhat was that for?" Ray jerked him upright and pointed below. 

"Don't go down there dude, its dangerous." 

Meanwhile Jean had Scott on the bed and was kissing him when all of a sudden he tried to get a breath of air and pushed her away. She looked at him, fury burning in her eyes and slapped him across the face. She stormed out of the room.

"You can be so insensitive Scott Summers!" she cried. Scott looked after her. What did he do? 

Rogue and Rahne walked through the doors. Rogue was almost flattened by a fireball but Rahne had quickly morphed and knocked her to the ground. The two got up to see Jubilee gaining the upper hand in the fistfight. Rogue tried to pull her off but to no avail. Her glove came off and she grabbed Jubes' face. Suddenly overtaken by a rage that didn't belong to her she began to beat at Amara. Rahne looked frantically about for some way to stop them but found none. She howled, hoping someone could hear her, and wishing the professor wasn't away on business. 

Hearing the racket Storm finished what she was doing in the bathroom and flew down the stairs. Seeing the fight rage out of control she sent Rahne to Bobby's bedroom. When they returned they saw Storm desperately trying to pull Rogue off of Amara and Jubilee but it was too late, Rogue had touched all of them and when she whipped around her hand fell on Storm's wrist. Now with three more times the anger and hormonal problems Rogue rushed outside. Bobby quickly iced Amara and Jubilee to the floor  away from each other.  Just then Wolverine walked in. His gaze swept the mansion. As much as he wanted to turn tail and run away he knew he couldn't. First he would have to save the others. 

Logan threw Bobby, Evan, Kurt, Scott, Ray, Roberto, Jamie, and Sam into the van and pulled out of the driveway. It would be a long week. 

"What is wrong with them?" asked Evan, still panting from trying to escape some of Rogue's fury. Jamie, looked wistfully out the back window, he had to leave a double behind because Kitty has started to cry and needed a shoulder to lean on. 

"Its that time of the month." Logan said. There was a chorus of 'ahhhs' from the boys. 

"But why is it so bad this time?" Scott asked. Logan rubbed the stubble on his chin. 

"Well, fer starters they are all on the same schedule now, and usually Chuck is around to put sorta a block on the emotions that you all were unfortunate enough to witness. Ray shoved his head through. 

"What if each of them had a Jamie to channel all of their emotions to?" 

"Hey!" Jamie protested. Logan's mouth suddenly turned into a smile. 

"Ya know kid, that aint a bad idea." The van swerved and sped towards the mansion gates. 

When the boys stepped out of the van they were in awe at what they saw. The mansion was in shambles, there was a huge hole in the roof and fire was pouring out. The image of their home danced in waves of the heat. Fireworks were exploding everywhere and things were spontaneously flying out of broken windows. 

"Son of a bitch." Logan said under his breath. Bravely he stepped over the scraps of metal and remnants of the house to the front door. Upon entering their gazes all swept past the broken pieces of furniture to the sight of Kitty in a crying heap on the floor. Next to her lay a bruised and wet double. Jamie ran over to it. It was covered in Kitty's tears and apparently she had at some time gone into a rage and beat the crap put of him. Finally the double disappeared and Jamie was slightly relieved. Seeing himself beaten up wasn't something he had always wanted. 

"Maybe this vasnt such a good idea Logan." Kurt said. No sooner were the words out of his mouth when Jean came out of the kitchen. Her hair was a tangled mess and she looked like she had been laughing hysterically and then started to cry. She saw Scott and ran up to him. The guys around him all shrank away from her in fear. Jean leapt onto Scott and cried. He tried to talk soothingly to her but his plan backfired and she was all over him again. Scott desperately tried to push her mouth away but to no avail. Logan chuckled. 

"Now when he actually gets her he doesn't want her." He said. Bobby's face lit up. 

"Are they all _this_ way?"  He asked, planning to visit each of the girls' rooms. A large hand clamped own on his shoulder. 

"Even if they were Drake, it aint worth it." He jerked his head in Scott's direction. Jean was now furious and beating him to pulp. Evan and Kurt tried desperately to pull her off but to no avail. Finally Kurt had to teleport her to her bedroom.

"Quick!" he yelled form up the stairs. All of the boys rushed up the staircase and moved a dresser from the nearest room in front of Jean's door. 

"One down." Ray said. 

"Four more to go" Sam said. 

"Has anyone seen Storm?" Bobby asked. Logan looked up at the sky. 'please god not her to.' He prayed. But Logan's fears were verified when the sky turned black and lightening ripped its way to the ground. Maniacal laughter was heard as Storm appeared. She threw her head back and summoned more lightning. 

"Go for cover!" Logan shouted. The guys scattered. Logan looked up to see Storm. 

"Ro!" he shouted. "Its me, Logan! Come down!" he yelled. She laughed down at him. Lightening spit from her hands and scorched the ground near Logan's feet. 

"Shit!" he barked as he went diving into a bush. Seeing Logan helpless Bobby rushed out and aimed a stream of ice at Ororo. She was frozen in two seconds and came hurtling down towards the ground. Kurt teleported to her and then to the ground again, safely depositing her on the grass.  The boys didn't have time to rest because flames were spreading around the corner. Bobby quickly iced them and they all fell to the grass, exhausted and panting. 

"Its times like this when I wish I had joined the Brotherhood." Scott said. 

The men all sat in the briefing room. Logan leaned back in his chair. All the girls had by now escaped their temporary traps. Logan clicked a small controller and Jean's image came onto a large computer screen. 

"Alright." He said, the room quieted. "We are here to pinpoint their weaknesses and keep them subdued until Xavier gets back.  Now, I think we all witnessed Jean's behavior to know that she is in an extremely fragile state."

"Not to mention horny." Ray said. Logan shot him a glare.  "Any ideas?" he asked curtly. Silence. Then Bobby raised his hand. They all leaned in around the oval table and listened to what he had to say. Logan nodded. 

"That might work Drake." He said. "But we'd have to sacrifice one of our own." The others agreed it was the only way. Scott gulped, he didn't want to do this. Logan flicked the controller again and Rogue came onto the screen. No one had any ideas on how to stop her. They flipped through all the rest of the girls without further progress. Logan sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Its all up to you Shades." He said. Scott nodded. Quickly Kurt teleported Scott to his bedroom. There Scott removed his shirt and sighed. Kurt put his hands on Scott's shoulders and looked him in the eye. 

"Good luck mien freund." He said gravely. Scott shook his hand. Taking a deep breath he exited the doorway. Kurt hung from the ceiling and watched, unnoticed. Scott called for Jean and she came up the stairs. Her left eye was black and bruised. Scott was about to ask her what had happened but it deviated from the plan. When Jean saw his bare chest she sidled up next to him and ran a hand down his face. Kurt had to suppress a giggle. Scott began pouring compliments upon the redhead and slowly led her to her Bobby's bedroom. He faced the wall with Jean the only thing separating them. In an instant she was all over him and didn't even notice when her feet were iced to the floor. A few moments later Evan had her bound in chains to the wall. The boys filtered into the room and removed anything that she could lift with her telekinesis. 

"Sorry Jean." Scott said putting his shirt back on. "But it had to be done." Jean screamed at all of them until their ears rung with profanity and insults that would have offended Jerry Springer. 

"That is so unlike her." Roberto said. 

Up in her room Storm had regained control over her powers. She sat meditating when a flicker of thought passed through her mind. Ororo could feel Jean spreading her _state of being_ through the mansion. Suddenly Storm was very horny. She glanced outside her slightly ajar bedroom door. Footsteps were heard rounding their way towards her end of the hall. Ray was strolling down the corridor when suddenly he was attacked from behind. He yelped in surprise and was dragged quite forcefully into Ororo Munroe's bedroom. 

"Has anyone see Berzerker?" Bobby asked. The other boys all shrugged. Suddenly there was a scream that made everyone's blood run cold. They raced upstairs to see Ray running down the hall trying to escape Storm. Berzerker was desperately trying to pull his pants up as he yelled in terror. Bobby quickly iced Storm in place. She stopped, now a grotesque ice sculpture. Ray threw his arms around Bobby and hugged him with all of his strength. 

"Thank you man." He said. "Thank you." 


	2. Fire Balls and a Rabid Wolf

For all of you who are wondering: I am a girl, I just can't stand other girls, (with the exception of my friends that are female.) I'm sorry, but girls are superficial, too emotional, and horny. (This is what happens when your best friend is a guy.)  
  
Logan and the guys once again sat in the briefing room, the only place that couldn't be broken in to.  
  
"Alright." He said finishing his beer. (He had given up trying to hide the bottle, he really needed one right then.) "Jean is safe and under control at the moment. But that still leaves us with the rest of em. Any ideas?"  
  
The boys all looked at each other blankly until Sam timidly raised his hand. Their heads all whipped around and looked hopefully at him.  
  
"Um, well I was thinking that its gonna be really hard to keep Amara under control but, uh, if we could keep her unconscious we might have a shot."  
  
"Yeah, we could keep her in one of the water tanks, just give her an oxygen mask." Jamie put in.  
  
"You up for it Drake?" Logan asked. Bobby nodded. " Alright men, lets do it."  
  
The team of young men waited outside. Logan nodded toward Jamie. In the best imitation of Jubilee he could muster he called out.  
  
"Amara you skanky ass bitch!" the team looked in surprise at Jamie's creativity, the original line Logan gave him was just to call out her name. In a flaming ball of fury Amara came hurtling outside. She held up her hands and several once proud trees were tiny wisps of smoke.  
  
"Now!" Logan yelled. Bobby released two streams of ice, he had to get closer because she was melting them as fast as he could go. Soon the two were face to face, but Iceman was getting the upper hand. After a bit of a struggle Iceman won and Amara was iced up to her neck.  
  
"Bobby." Amara whispered. "If you let me go, I'll strip for you." Bobby stopped. Magma repeated her promise. Bobby began to weaken. He began tearing at the ice furiously.  
  
"Iceman no!" Wolverine pulled him back, Bobby sank to the ground. Logan injected Amara with the needle gun. They had won this battle.  
  
Logan threw Magma over his shoulder and walked toward the mansion. Ray had to help the exhausted Iceman to his feet. The group followed hesitantly, afraid that the sedative would suddenly wear off and they would all be additions to the mansions new outdoor crematorium.  
  
Amara safe in a tank the womanless x-men sat down.  
  
"Rahne will be easy to hold, but hard to catch. Bobby, how are you feeling?" Logan asked. Bobby tried to lift his head but after his long fight with Magma he was too weak to stand.  
  
"Kids beaten Wolverine." Ray said. "We'll have to find another way to keep her still."  
  
"And ve're out of tranks." Said Kurt as he held up the dart gun.  
  
"Son of a bitch." Scott said. "I could try to blast her but it would be risky." Logan shook his head.  
  
"We cant take that risk."  
  
Jamie spoke up. "Ray could punch me, and I could surround her, by the time she gets to the real me Wolverine can jump her, if she bites you it doesn't matter."  
  
"Good thinkin' shorty." Logan growled. Roberto and Evan exchange looks. "I have an idea." Evan said.  
  
Rahne was outside running by the front gate trying desperately to bite the pedestrians on the other side. A man was running in terror as the mad wolf tried to bite through the iron bars. In her foaming mouth was a shred of pant leg. She began digging when she caught a new scent. Roberto was walking by with a large hot dog. She spotted him and charged after the meat that still had a human attached to it. Roberto charged and flew upwards leading the ravaging animal around the corner. He landed and waited for her to catch up. It didn't take more than five seconds.  
  
Wolfsbane launched herself at Sunspot but a bone stake flew in front of her, blocking her attack. She twisted in midair and charged again but she met a wall of spikes. Evan was on the balcony shooting spikes as fast as he could. Rahne turned but she was trapped by a wall of Jaimies. She howled and attacked the nearest one, they all began running. One by one they began to disappear, more quickly than Logan had planned, at Jaimie's cries he closed the fridge door, (damn, so close to another beer!) and ran outside. Right as Wolfsbane leapt at Multiple Wolverine came crashing down on her. She bit and tore at him and her back paws delivered a powerful blow to his groin.  
  
"SON OF A BITCH!"  
  
Logan was on the ground, cupping his manhood and groaning in agony. The others became frightened when their fearless leader was seen nearly beaten. Rahne now turned on the group but Logan pulled himself up and flattened her.  
  
"All bests are off kid." He rumbled. He wrestled her to the ground, furiously beating the furry creature.  
  
"Logan stop!" Scott cried, but it was too late, Wolfsbane was unconscious. It took Ray, Scott, Sam and Evan to pull Wolverine off of the wolf. Wolverine regained his self control. Wiping the sweat from his face he turned to them.  
  
"Put her in the cage boys." 


End file.
